You will go to visit your fourth cousin, twice removed (who just contacted you for the first time in thirty years), and who is living in a small apartment in rural Mississippi, half-a-mile from the river. On the final day of your week long visit, while you are out frog gigging, the river will flood, a wall of water will come crashing down towards you, and you will dive into the boat, just as the rushing current lifts the boat and sweeps it away. Your cousin will drown, but, you will have no time to worry about this, your main concern will be saving yourself. For three days and nights you will cling to the beleaguered craft. Finally you will be snagged on a low Sassafras branch and your travel will be arrested. Dragging your self across the branch to shore, a three-quarter inch splinter will lodge itself under your left index fingernail. You will manage to stumble towards the lights of a convenience store where you will gorge yourself on pickled eggs and Slim Jims with a chitlin' thrown in for good measure. You will become so bloated and sick that the acne-scarred night manager of the store will lock up, drive you to the emergency room, and dump you at the entrance. Unfortunately there will be a mix up with your medical chart leading to the loss of your left leg below the knee. (A phlebitis sufferer will have his stomach pumped in your stead.) The hospital will settle out of court and you'll be awarded a 1.2 million dollar settlement.